Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you traded sex for a burrito?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
