i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
