Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
