Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
