you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
