I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
