you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
