I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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