Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if i can run in heels then i can drive
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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