I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
