chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
