I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
