I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
