i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
