No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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