That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
