How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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