I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
