This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
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