found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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