Can i not drive my cunt home
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
