I wish I only lived at night.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
