Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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