can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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