Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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