I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
