she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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