i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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