You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
