I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
