IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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