Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
