Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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