I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize