I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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