News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
