just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
