she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
ttyl tear gas
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
