I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
