In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
