i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
