I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I love you. Go after that dick
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
