I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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