Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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