Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
