So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
