I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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