I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
