you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
