She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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