ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
