Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
