Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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