Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
