I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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