i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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