Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We just shotgunned beers for America
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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