There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
