I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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