Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
