You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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