Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
