I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
