She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
