You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
