i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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