Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
