Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
