Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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