I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize