I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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