Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
