Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
