Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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