YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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